To begin with the most infuriating aspect of the show, we should consider the unabashed egoism that attends this fiasco. Our…ahem…heroes, in their short little lives have accomplished nothing, contributed nothing, and learned nothing before setting out on a narcissistic path (see e.g. the camera crew following their every move) to personal fulfillment. Impatience is too kind a word for the gall that these children have, with the ink still wet on their equivalency degrees, to whine that their lives are without meaning. I’ll bet if they had to do even an hour of the kind of work most people in this world have to endure just to keep their families fed, they would find it satisfying enough not to have to wash their hipster-chic wardrobe in a muddy river filled with dung and tapeworms.
But this is all theoretical. Let’s run down a few of the most offensive items on the aforementioned bucket list:
1. “Become a licensed minister”: Over the course of human history, countless millions of people have been killed, tortured, or exiled because of their religious beliefs. But you know what would be a real gas? What if a bunch of unemployed attention whores boiled it all down to a five minute gag reel? That would be hilarious. And evidently, mastering the imponderables of human existence is easier than say “learn[ing] how to play an instrument” which remains on the list and incomplete.2. “Start a dance in a public place”: I suppose one way to get a lot of people moving all at once would be to yell fire in a crowded theater. On second thought, though, this approach is sub-optimal since it would take years to process and appeal the felony charges. Better yet, it would probably be more efficient (and make television gold) for me and my jackass friends to walk outside our hotbox of an apartment, ’80s boom box in tow like DJ what’s-his-face, and just starting f-ing dancing. That would be so sweet. And then tons of other people would totally join in and for a brief moment, we’d forget about all that divides us and just be in the…moment. Yes, this is the perfect solution to world hunger and childhood diseases. Never mind the fact that if I
put the same level of effort into an actual job, any actual job, I could probably make enough money to save an entire village in Africa. No, this will be way better, and something everyone should do, just once, with the few precious moments we have on this earth.3. “Win and yell, ‘Bingo!’ at a Bingo hall”: Does anyone else not find this patently offensive to the people who actually frequent Bingo halls? As the balls drop out of the hopper, like the sands through an hour glass, so pour out the regulars’ hopes of crossing anything else off of their bucket lists besides getting through this particular game of Bingo. What cruel mocking it is to snatch this simple joy from their arthritic claws and turn it into another of MTV’s exploitation-paloozas in worship of youth and stupidity.
Well I have a bucket list of my own. If you’ll indulge me:1. Cause a crowd of people to point and laugh at (NOT “with”) the jackasses on MTV’s “The Buried Life”
2. Watch the cast of MTV’s “The Buried Life” pick up garbage alongside the highway
3. Convince each member of the cast of MTV’s “The Buried Life” to get matching tattoos that say “I’m a complete tool” on their foreheads
Who’s with me?
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